Update (May 8th): Thank you everyone, for all the help and support! I feel really amazed and also honored to be given so much help from comments and even private DMs from all of you amazing people on this platform. Everything seems to be getting better for me as well, and it wouldn't be possible without all the advice you have given me. Once again, thank you very much!

Note: This blog is me talking about my personal life and seeking some life advice. Although I acknowledge that Codeforces is not meant to be a platform for such blogs, as I don't have any other social media accounts, I want to post my feelings here. Very sorry to anyone who finds this blog a waste of your time. In addition, my English is not very good, so apologies for any grammatical errors.

Hello Codeforces.

Usually, I don't post blogs about my personal life to any online social media platforms, but today, I want to share with you the story of my school life.

First of all, here are some information about me. I am a 14-year-old boy (15 this June) who lives and studies in Hanoi, Vietnam. I am in 9th grade in a prestigious gifted school in the city. I like to play football, watch cooking shows and Classic Tetris. My dream is to one day make it to the International Mathematics Olympiad and win a gold medal. Codeforces is more of a fun hobby for me, and I don't take ratings too seriously, rather just solve problems for fun.

But right now, my mental health is at an absolute low.

In the beginning of June this year, all 9th graders in my city (including me) have to take a very important examination. This exam not only determines the high school we go to, but it basically determines our future. Whether or not a student is accepted into a gifted school is because of this test.

Most of my problems I will be getting into shortly is because of this test. You see, here in Hanoi, students are very competitive. Every time we attend a mock test, from the day we take the test to the day the results are published, people argue with others about their work, and the smallest score margins can basically break friendships and bonds. And this is true for everyone in my class. Even when I don't want to talk about test scores, they drag me into conversations and make me feel bad for scoring just a quarter of a point higher than theirs. And this toxic environment has really gotten into me.

Recently, I have lost some friends because of these tests. The people who once always spent good times with me are now distancing themselves from me, because they envy my test scores. I do have a few good friends who are always loyal to me — which I really appreciate, but many other people are turning against me. I felt like I am no longer cheerful, happy at school, instead now I feel isolated and seperated from people. To see good bonds fade away, I felt heartbroken.

And it wasn't due to my personality or anything. In fact, I always try to be a nice person. I always try to help other people with schoolwork, and I would always try my best to make sure that they're happy and content. It is the same feeling as being Steven Universe in the famous TV series, always trying to help others, but to quote from an episode: "We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven!". And this is exactly how I feel — the feeling of being my own monster, being alone, being heartbroken.

If you have made it to this point, thank you for spending a few minutes of your life reading about my story. I know that the current state of my mental health right now is very bad, so I want to turn to the Codeforces community. I would like you to (if possible) give me some advice for my life and my mental health, any comments from your own life experiences would really be appreciated.

Once again, thank you for reading. — hung8A