Update (May 8th): Thank you everyone, for all the help and support! I feel really amazed and also honored to be given so much help from comments and even private DMs from all of you amazing people on this platform. Everything seems to be getting better for me as well, and it wouldn't be possible without all the advice you have given me. Once again, thank you very much!
Note: This blog is me talking about my personal life and seeking some life advice. Although I acknowledge that Codeforces is not meant to be a platform for such blogs, as I don't have any other social media accounts, I want to post my feelings here. Very sorry to anyone who finds this blog a waste of your time. In addition, my English is not very good, so apologies for any grammatical errors.
Hello Codeforces.
Usually, I don't post blogs about my personal life to any online social media platforms, but today, I want to share with you the story of my school life.
First of all, here are some information about me. I am a 14-year-old boy (15 this June) who lives and studies in Hanoi, Vietnam. I am in 9th grade in a prestigious gifted school in the city. I like to play football, watch cooking shows and Classic Tetris. My dream is to one day make it to the International Mathematics Olympiad and win a gold medal. Codeforces is more of a fun hobby for me, and I don't take ratings too seriously, rather just solve problems for fun.
But right now, my mental health is at an absolute low.
In the beginning of June this year, all 9th graders in my city (including me) have to take a very important examination. This exam not only determines the high school we go to, but it basically determines our future. Whether or not a student is accepted into a gifted school is because of this test.
Most of my problems I will be getting into shortly is because of this test. You see, here in Hanoi, students are very competitive. Every time we attend a mock test, from the day we take the test to the day the results are published, people argue with others about their work, and the smallest score margins can basically break friendships and bonds. And this is true for everyone in my class. Even when I don't want to talk about test scores, they drag me into conversations and make me feel bad for scoring just a quarter of a point higher than theirs. And this toxic environment has really gotten into me.
Recently, I have lost some friends because of these tests. The people who once always spent good times with me are now distancing themselves from me, because they envy my test scores. I do have a few good friends who are always loyal to me — which I really appreciate, but many other people are turning against me. I felt like I am no longer cheerful, happy at school, instead now I feel isolated and seperated from people. To see good bonds fade away, I felt heartbroken.
And it wasn't due to my personality or anything. In fact, I always try to be a nice person. I always try to help other people with schoolwork, and I would always try my best to make sure that they're happy and content. It is the same feeling as being Steven Universe in the famous TV series, always trying to help others, but to quote from an episode: "We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who's never had Steven is Steven!". And this is exactly how I feel — the feeling of being my own monster, being alone, being heartbroken.
If you have made it to this point, thank you for spending a few minutes of your life reading about my story. I know that the current state of my mental health right now is very bad, so I want to turn to the Codeforces community. I would like you to (if possible) give me some advice for my life and my mental health, any comments from your own life experiences would really be appreciated.
Once again, thank you for reading. — hung8A
It's better to lose those friends who envy your test scores.
If you are bad at something, many will laugh at you. If you are good at something, many will envy you. This is inevitable. Give attention to those who appreciate you for what you do, because they are the ones with whom you are most likely to have a strong, honest bond.
Screw them, leave them. I am deeply sorry you have to experience this, and I am telling that it's okay to lose those friends. You aren't deserved to suffer those bonds.
Do your stuff, spearhead to a better environment, and make better bonds there. Trust me. Sometimes sacrifices are needed.
Best of luck. And please keep your mind clear and sane these days. The tests aren't too hard (if my experiences 11 years ago still serve me right), all you need is a good mentality to not make critical mistakes.
wait for the exam to happen again, mock that test, get the maximum score you can, then when anyone tries to drag u into a conversation, tell them: 'F u and this conversation is over.' Do ur own thing
well welcome to adulthood bro this is going to happen every now and then in future you will make new friends and you lose some but it will be alright . let them leave thats what i do just ignore, that makes them more angry and fun for me .
It seems rare to see someone share aspects of life apart from CP in these blogs, so I guess you must have been going through a few recently.
From time to time, you encounter individuals who are not meant to be your friends, and this case is not an exception. If they envy you, simply regard them as the tradeoffs for your achievements.
There's nothing wrong with you, mate. I mean, helping others and achieving good results make you such an exemplary figure for your friends to look up to, so just keep it up, as what goes around comes around.
Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences with us. It’s brave of you to open up about your struggles, especially during a challenging time like this. I’m not a licensed therapist, but I can offer some general advice that might help you cope with the stress and emotions you’re experiencing.
Self-Compassion: 1. Remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. You’re not alone in facing these pressures, and it’s normal to feel stressed during important exams. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend going through a tough time. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even if they seem small.
Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Find healthy ways to cope with stress. Exercise, meditation, deep breathing, or spending time in nature can help reduce anxiety. Consider journaling your thoughts and feelings. Writing can be therapeutic and help you process emotions.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends or family members who are understanding and supportive. Share your feelings with them, and let them know what you’re going through. Consider talking to a school counselor or a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your situation.
Set Realistic Expectations: While it’s great to aim for the International Mathematics Olympiad, remember that your worth isn’t solely determined by exam scores. You’re more than just your academic achievements. Set realistic goals and recognize that setbacks are a natural part of any journey.
Focus on the Present Moment: Instead of worrying about the future, try to focus on the present. Break down your tasks into smaller steps and tackle them one at a time. Mindfulness techniques, such as grounding exercises, can help you stay centered.
Connect with Your Passions: Continue enjoying your hobbies, like playing football, watching cooking shows, and solving problems on Codeforces. These activities can provide a healthy escape from stress. Remember that life is about balance, and it’s essential to nurture both your academic pursuits and your personal interests.
Let Go of Toxic Relationships: Losing friends can be painful, but sometimes toxic relationships can hold us back. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Prioritize quality over quantity when it comes to friendships.
You’re more than your test scores. Your character, kindness, and empathy matter just as much. Remember that seeking professional help is essential if you continue to struggle with your mental health. You don’t have to face this alone, and there are people who care about you. Take care, and I hope you find the support you need during this challenging time.
what in the GPT
Thank you for sharing such valuable advice. Your words are incredibly supportive and offer practical strategies for coping with stress and maintaining mental well-being during challenging times. It's heartening to see such empathy and understanding within the Codeforces community.
Your emphasis on self-compassion and healthy coping mechanisms resonates deeply, and I'm sure it will be immensely helpful not only to the original poster but also to others who may be experiencing similar struggles.
The reminder to focus on the present moment and to nurture personal interests is particularly insightful. It's essential to maintain a balance between academic pursuits and activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
I'm grateful for your contribution to the discussion and for extending kindness and support to those in need. Your words serve as a reminder of the strength of community and the importance of reaching out for help when facing challenges.
Thank you once again for your thoughtful response. It's truly appreciated.
LMAOOOOOOOOOO
Deserved.
You’re very welcome! I’m glad to hear that the advice resonated with you. Wishing you all the best on your journey, and take care!
why did you even bother
Just aim for those people who are more successful than you
Indeed, May is the mental health awareness month. Here some tips since I had suffered some anxiety episodes (it's not still diagnosed):
Look for help: therapy is quite important, only who knows how to treat this will help you.
Family: it depends on culture, but in my country people spent a lot of time with their families watching movies.
Meditation: it's incredible, but it truly helps a lot. Watch some meditation tutorials like Headspace in Netflix. It is not easy, meditation is like a skill, so you have to train everyday.
Tell others: tell to your friends or family how you are feeling, ask for some help.
I think there will be always a space to care about others, even here in Codeforces. We should care about our community.
Have a girlfriend dude..
Try to talk with seniors, who would think of you as a younger gifted brother and guide/listen you on a regular basis. [Tested Personally]
Hi!
I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this, and I hope that you can look past some of the negative comments here and know that I and the wider competitive programming community are here to support you. It really does take courage to open up in public like this, even if it is an anonymous post.
I have no experience in therapy and--if it is an option that is available to you--you should speak to a professional counselor. I do not know what your family situation is like but if you feel comfortable and have not already, you should definitely tell your family your situation.
I do agree with some other comments on this thread. In particular, it is really great to hear that at least a few of your friends still support you, and while you should not completely cut off people who envy your scores, you can try to avoid this toxic culture. I am sure that others at your school feel similarly to you, and if you can talk to some of them, you might feel a lot better.
It really is incredible that you are still able to be Steven even with so much negativity coming your way. Don't let other people's negativity rub off on you! We are all cheering for you!
Take care of yourself Your mental state is crucial thus speak to someone you trust such as a guardian, a therapist or a tutor regarding this issue. Carry out some exercises to help manage stress.
I have the same situation, but our difference is I'm in 12th grade, people will become so sensitive in such important years of life, all the 12th grade students in my country should participate in Konkur which is our university entrance exam and I've lost many of my friends this year because of that, so the only way I have is to continue my journey and focus on my goals rather than overthinking on such people and behaviors, I think it's the only way to keep yourself nice. Take it easy, it happens in anyone's life in a period of time, you're not alone ;)
Keep moving forward and AK your contests, all those who are envying you because of your scores will respect you next year!
Let me tell you contributions of my so-called friends :
Helping me build self-doubt
Helping me build low self-esteem
Helping me build habit of smoking
Helping me build social media addiction
Helping me to get into trouble
Helping me believe I am the Bad Guy and they are Saints
Helping me to lead a distracted , non goal-oriented life
I removed them from my life , now I don't have any of the above mentioned issues.Last few months I am spending time with family , girlfriend (who is understanding) , competitive programming , cousins and my pet rabbit and some talented CP friends in ACodeDailyServer.Trust me I am very powerful and happy now.
Important thing that you have to understand is you have to mix with people with standards that match your mentality.If you don't then suffering is a must.
I listened to a video about Taylor Swift where she said a very important sentence : "Life is about Catch and Release." That's absolutely correct.If you want to go a long long way in life you can't hold things, all the grudges , updates on people that don't matter.You decide what to hold and let go.
Currently I don't remember any negative things of my past ( But people try really hard to remind me of them I can guarantee you), I am too focused on how to improve further in my journey as a Competitive Programmer and in the longer run as a Computer Scientist.Hopefully whatever I have written helps
Holy hell. Taylor's new theorem on the optimal catching and releasing strategy just dropped.
Those friends who envy you are very selfish and not humble. They think they are the best, and you are not better than them. They believe your score is better than theirs only by luck, so they don't know how hard you have tried to practice to get that score.
So, simply ignore them, and continue to practice for the best performance in the upcoming examination. And, I believe that your best friends can share your feelings, and give you good advice!
As eminem once said : "Its ok to lose people but never lose yourself".Ignore them you are doing good.
imagine quoting life "advice" from a disgusting degenerate
imagine wasting your time replying, instead of doing something relevant. P.s: I wont argue more with you on this,got better things to do.
Typical low-iq rap music listener. Cope and seethe, degenerate.
you are really calling someone a "disgusting degenerate" with the profile pic of patrick bateman? irony
I want to speak from another perspective. I was probably like one of those friends who were envious of well-performing peers and although I was friends with them, I was envious and often cursed at them being better than me.
I was too scared to say harsh words but I always had it in the back of my mind. Even when I asked for help with problem-solving or I was going for tests, I would think why do these "talented" guys have it better?
Now, a long time has passed and I feel I was the dumb guy. Instead of improving and working on myself I only saw the peak of the iceberg those "talented" people went through.
The above passage doesn't help you but I do think some of your negative friends will realize this in the future.
In the meantime, I think you should focus on yourself and your loyal friends. You can try to convince some of your negative friends who get distraught easily due to cut-throat competition but if it's not working out then it's not worth damaging your mental health over them.
They will realize it someday for sure.
weakestOsuPlayer giving strongestLifeAdvice orz
Marcus Aurelius. The answer always lies in Marcus Aurelius.