ssense's blog

How to get CP girlfriend
By ssense, history, 11 days ago, In English

Hello Codeforces, a lot of people have been asking me "How do I get GF!?". Well, I'm here to answer this question once and for all.

1. Reach Expert

Until I have reached expert, no girl wanted to talk to me. Right after contest Codeforces Round #677 (Div. 3)(when I reached expert) my Instagram and Snapchat DM's were full of messages from girls asking me out, this will happen to you too.

Proof

But you can't only get the girl, you have to maintain her! Which brings me to step 2.

2. Maintaining Expert+

Once you reach Expert, you have to keep it, unless you want her to leave you for another expert. This can be easily done by 2 main ways

  1. Never participate on Codeforces again.

  2. Ask solutions from other people during contests.

PS: Make sure not to get higher than Candidate Master.

3. Keeping the Girl.

Ok, you are maintaining Expert, now you have to keep the girl attracted to you. Wavelength isn't going to do everything.

  1. Buy her stuff. This is a very important step to maintaining a girlfriend(Eg: Food and Purses).

  2. Teach her competitive programming, but make sure you have more rating.

  3. Fight every simp she has to assert dominance.

  4. No dates until marriage.

  5. Upvote this blog post.

4. Flexing on other CP-ers

What's the point of having a GF if you can't flex on single people? NONE!

Message every single one of your friends and tell them about your brand new girlfriend.

5. Enjoy Life

 
 
 
 
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  • +1282
  • Vote: I do not like it

Comments Comments (135)
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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +225 Vote: I do not like it

"How to get over break up" blog post when?

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +10 Vote: I do not like it

Thanks for giving me motivation.Now my sole target is to reach expert.I will burn midnight oil now

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +49 Vote: I do not like it

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11 days ago, # |
← Rev. 2   Vote: I like it +139 Vote: I do not like it

As a female, this doesn't apply to me. I need a "how to get a bf."

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +491 Vote: I do not like it

:(

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    11 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +492 Vote: I do not like it

    Don't be sad, we can trade our accounts, if you want

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +127 Vote: I do not like it

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      9 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +7 Vote: I do not like it

      I love your profile pic. It depicts my usual face expression XD

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        9 days ago, # ^ |
          Vote: I like it +14 Vote: I do not like it

        I liked that picture too. I cropped it out from this comic drawn by @catscafecomics.

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          9 days ago, # ^ |
            Vote: I like it +2 Vote: I do not like it

          On a personal note, I think there was no need to crop that "I am trying my best" tag, it just suits so good.

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            8 days ago, # ^ |
              Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

            Yes but the text actually become too small to read, unless you opened the profile to view the bigger version of the picture.

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              7 days ago, # ^ |
                Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

              It was better cropped though

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +74 Vote: I do not like it

Do I have no chance if I just touched master once by mistake? I promise to stay in CM

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    11 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

    I think that's kinda cool !

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    11 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +33 Vote: I do not like it

    Strange that you chose girlfriend over Master

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      11 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

      Your Profile pic looks very much like the profile pic of the original poster of the blog (I Don't know if you both are related).

      However, I like your perspective of life more than his XD !

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +63 Vote: I do not like it

    But there will always be trust issues :(

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +15 Vote: I do not like it

dm me if you want cp femboyfriend instead ;^)

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +130 Vote: I do not like it

I think you misunderstood, we were asking you how to get generating functions, not a girlfriend. By the way, whats a girlfriend?

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11 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +9 Vote: I do not like it

This but in reverse please

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +103 Vote: I do not like it

If you don't have the correct rating, making a youtube channel will get you a lot of girlfriends. I have noticed that, for every 6.34 subscribers you get one girlfriend. Just imagine the number of girlfriends Errichto has!!!

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +164 Vote: I do not like it

    Don't know about your stats but around 95% of my viewers are male. So it's limited to 1 girlfriend per 20 subs :(

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      10 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +65 Vote: I do not like it

      1 girlfriend per 20 subs. Total subs 210k (Errichto + Errichto 2) = 10.5k girlfriends.

      If I am not wrong, that sad expression in your comment stands for having too many girlfriends. It's definitely not an easy task to handle over 10k gfs :p

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      10 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +47 Vote: I do not like it

      This just reminded me of the legendary tmwilliamlin168 video

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      10 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +1 Vote: I do not like it

      Errichto getting hopes after this blog :}. Maybe this might uplift all the loneliness. Just kidding .

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      10 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it -36 Vote: I do not like it

      Errichto Are you sure 95% of them are male? How come you can be so sure until you know each of them by person? What if 10-15% of accounts are fake accounts i.e. girls making them in others name?

      PS: I am just guessing how can you be so sure about 95% stats.

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      8 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

      Hey errichto, what about creating a girlfriend bot, I will join you.

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      5 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

      Errichto, would you give me a girlfriend if you have ten thousand of them?

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        4 days ago, # ^ |
          Vote: I like it +30 Vote: I do not like it

        Nope. I don't think it's appropriate to just give away a gf. Leave me and my ten thousand girlfriends alone.

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +4 Vote: I do not like it

    Your subscriber count is 3.45k. Congratulations for having 544.164 girlfriends :D

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -47 Vote: I do not like it

Reaching expert is not a big deal and it won't get you a girlfiend.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

This much effort for a GF definitely not worth it.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Can we skip step 3?

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +13 Vote: I do not like it

    When you get a new gf, a graph is generated $$$f(x) = \frac{1}{x}$$$ where Y axis is attraction and X axis is time. You can skip step 3, however your relationship will quickly deteriorate. This can be combated by getting a new gf once the old one isnt interested anymore. By maintaining CM you will have no shortage.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +13 Vote: I do not like it

Time to fall down to expert quickly.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

？？？？I was shocked

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +4 Vote: I do not like it

After Reaching EXPERT

My Hope -

pesa

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it -6 Vote: I do not like it

    Arey Chintu! 6th grade me gf chahiye? app banao, investers ko ladao, relatives ko jalao :D

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10 days ago, # |
← Rev. 2   Vote: I like it +57 Vote: I do not like it

"Make sure not to get higher than Candidate Master." Okay can do

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

guess i got a motivation to practice more

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +32 Vote: I do not like it

Instructions not clear, have been blue+ for 7 months+ but no DMs have been sent to me like you.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Pyar.Mahobat.Dhoka.Hai

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

I guess I am the perfect fit!

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +9 Vote: I do not like it

So MikeMirzayanov seems quite safe XD, no risk

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +70 Vote: I do not like it

By combining the PS of 2 (Make sure not to get higher than Candidate Master) with 3.2 (Teach her competitive programming, but make sure you have more rating), do we conclude that girls that are higher than candidate master aren't dateable?

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

    Duh they aren't human, to op...

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    10 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it -10 Vote: I do not like it

    You just need to hack her account and wait for her new account appearance :D

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +2 Vote: I do not like it

Your rating seems to suggest your girl is gonna leave you soon xD

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Wow, Thank you for your cool tips

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Any tips on how to reach Expert from Specialist quickly??? P.S: I need a gf ASAP!!! :(

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +94 Vote: I do not like it

"Date? Sorry. I have a Rated Codeforces round."

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

finally someone give me a good reason to reach expert!

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

now i am surely gonna find girlfriend!!

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +4 Vote: I do not like it

This man should get a award from codeforces for making the environment so playful, awesome man.

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10 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +20 Vote: I do not like it

I confirm, I reached cm and I have a beautiful girlfriend. Imagine what would happen if we were red or nutella

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    43 hours ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

    Well according to wavelength you would have no chance after being red.. Purple is best accordingly

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

As an OIer, there's no need to have a girlfriend :)

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +28 Vote: I do not like it

I don't try to get expert to get girlfriend, I get girlfriend to get expert. My girlfriend is Candidate @@

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +86 Vote: I do not like it

Don't be fooled guys!!!
We all know that 3D girls don't deserve our attention :)

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -10 Vote: I do not like it

Maybe having a frickin' personality will help

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +53 Vote: I do not like it

Experts right now -

31ca69

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -19 Vote: I do not like it

What should i do man :(

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +55 Vote: I do not like it

Some junior asked me, "Bhaiya you got stuck at candidate master from so long, why don't you participate in contests? Everyone from your group is at least master."

Kids

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +3 Vote: I do not like it

This is a scam ! Better keep jerking off to the subroutines you write.

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

So sad((

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +6 Vote: I do not like it

Now I will work more hard to get a GF thanks for inspiring me :)

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9 days ago, # |
← Rev. 2   Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

So are you saying that my struggles to hit expert are causing my struggles with getting a GF? Also does this explain why people make smurf accounts?

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9 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +9 Vote: I do not like it

Newbies like me ova here chillin NNN

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8 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -12 Vote: I do not like it

Explain her how FFT works and you will win her heart :D

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    7 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +105 Vote: I do not like it

    Don't try that, I checked, it doesn't work

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8 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +1 Vote: I do not like it

In China,there are too few girls who study the OI....

(At least it is true around me.....

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8 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Don't give me hope...

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8 days ago, # |
← Rev. 6   Vote: I like it +9 Vote: I do not like it

So here's another way to get and keep a girl , it was my way ,so if you indulge yourself in cp until expert ,it's gonna take a while(we all know) ,so it's better if you know just some programming language and encourage that girl to code and explain it's necessity and convince them that they definitely need to learn it now you are her guru ,she will come to you to ask hundred doubts on loops and array but you have to be patient and help her through ,and in the meanwhile you can do cp or just do the things u love more(i did later one) so now she is all set to start cp ,either stay below her or not too much above her rank ,that will help to get her more comfortable with you in asking doubts or if she stucks in some problem , idea is not only to give a answer to her (there are so many alredy there) main thing is to discuss it with her , entertain her while discussing , genuinely speaking they don't need you to buy stuffs fr them ,they need you to be supportive , and that's what you have to do when she is around 1000 to 1300 ,she will fall many times and you have to give her support, and encourage her ,be their go to person , if you both are falling ,homour it and if she is only falling, motivate and if u are only falling , humour it too and seek for their support like you need her and that's how you ll get into her heart ,after that it is smooth (sort-of) she will be busy in cp and you can do what you like ,and other efforts will come in play which you have to deal being just more nice to her than any one else,make her feel special and she is all urs:) cheers enjoy the process! Im right n ishika28

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8 days ago, # |
← Rev. 6   Vote: I like it +3 Vote: I do not like it

Untitled167b43761452d43a.png

Your post is very ironic. XD

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8 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -26 Vote: I do not like it

So ,Codeforces is really full of desperate virgins . Is this post really deserve this much attention? I don't find it funny either.

It keeps on popping up in the sidebar again and again. So ,what should i conclude ,you will die single if you are not expert . Seriously.

Atleast have some standard, even in humour too.

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8 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +14 Vote: I do not like it

Should I be demoted to expert to finally find girlfriend?

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    8 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +35 Vote: I do not like it

    It's demoralizing to see that even red coders can't find a girlfriend :(((

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      8 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +2 Vote: I do not like it

      bruh you are from IIT, get back to a medical school.

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      7 days ago, # ^ |
        Vote: I like it +5 Vote: I do not like it

      Using your handle name in comments is so cool. But I am sad that I can't do this :(

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7 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it -20 Vote: I do not like it

Why not be a gay?

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7 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +9 Vote: I do not like it

I completed step 1 and 2 but still single. Any advices??

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7 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +8 Vote: I do not like it

Bai prikalist xddd

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6 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +4 Vote: I do not like it

Ladies, I'm available now for any questions

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6 days ago, # |
← Rev. 2   Vote: I like it +2 Vote: I do not like it

Dropped from Expert to Specialist. Now I need "how to get over a breakup". F

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    6 days ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it +5 Vote: I do not like it

    Educational rnd did you good. Back in game my man

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6 days ago, # |
← Rev. 3   Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

Sadge

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6 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

rock babe

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5 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

aaaAAAaAAaaAAAAAaaAAAAaAAAaAAaAa

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5 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +4 Vote: I do not like it

Did your cp girlfriend help you at IATI Shumen 2020?

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4 days ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +10 Vote: I do not like it

I don't get it.

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43 hours ago, # |
  Vote: I like it +19 Vote: I do not like it

This is so true. I learnt the hard way that this concept applies to married people as well. The day my rating dropped from Expert to Specialist, my wife left. Then when it fell to Pupil, my dog left as well. Now I'm praying that cf-predictor is accurate about a +37 rating jump so I can become an Expert and get both her and my dog back.

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    43 hours ago, # ^ |
      Vote: I like it 0 Vote: I do not like it

    If your dog left you after your rating dropped, time to get a new dog.
    Not sure about your wife.

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